I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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