Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
