if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My vagina just clenched in fear
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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