dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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