Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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