It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
