I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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