Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
