I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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