Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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