no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
