I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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