oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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