P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
