They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
