i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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