I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
