So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
