is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
