My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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