Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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