there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
