I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
