I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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