I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
