i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
