I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
