when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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