dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
