i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
