i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Houston, we have a squirter
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
