Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
