Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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