I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
