I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
People in love make me want to vomit
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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