my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
