im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize