I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
