just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
