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Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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