I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
