My boss' voice literally gives me gas
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
