Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
