I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
