He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
