mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
