i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
