So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
