I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I want a musical about memes.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
