Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
