I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
