and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
