I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We need to get me chipped asap
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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