just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We don't watch enough power rangers
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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