Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
