I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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