omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
