i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
