some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
