I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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