She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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