I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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