My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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