fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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