I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
