Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
