I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
pray to the hookup gods
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
