I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
