I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
