I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
