its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
