he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
His nipple licking is glorious
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