Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
