You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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