how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
